The Last Days of Happosai...?

Happōsai Saigo no Hi? (八宝斉最期の日?) is the 39th episode of Ranma ½ Nettohen.

Ill tidings come upon the Tendo Dojo when Happosai mysteriously falls ill.

Relation to the Previous Episode
None.

The Trouble Begins
At Furinkan High School, in one of the intervals between lessons, the girls of homeroom 1F have gathered around Miyo, a self-proclaimed genuine psychic, whose family always has contact with the spirit world, who has been doing tarot readings for the interested girls. She asks for one more participant to which the girls note that Akane didn't try it yet. They tease her to learn more about Ranma, but slightly embarrassed, she says she'll learn about the dojo instead. When Akane sits down to hear her future told, Miyo predicts, to the shock of them all, that Akane and Ranma will be wed within the week - Akane, naturally, denies that it could happen.

At just that moment, Ranma comes storming through the classroom in hot pursuit of Happosai, the wake of their passage scattering Miyo's tarot cards. When she can see again, she recoils at the sight; the Sun card has landed with its face up, while the Tower card has actually landed on it vertically, piercing the Sun card and embedding itself in her desk so that it stands upright. This is a very ominous omen, and almost as if on cue, a dark cloud covers the sun, plunging the classroom into an eerie gloom.

On the way home, Ranma irritably vows to fix Happosai when he arrives, then grudgingly admits that Happosai isn't that bad of a martial artist, insisting that he'll probably last another century or so. Nervously, Akane asks if Ranma believes in fortune telling, to which Ranma scoffs, realizing she's talking about Miyo. And says that as far as he's concerned, he only believes in his own strength. Then he asks about her fortune telling earlier. She says it's none of his business and that he won't believe her anyway. Then she quitely thinks about the warning about Happosaai.

She's then startled by Ranma's scream and sees what's distracted him; women's underwear, dangling from a power line and falling in a trail that leads up to their home. Hastily gathering it all up, they race home, finding Soun and Genma standing in the front yard, calling up to Happosai and begging him to tell them what's wrong. Concerned almost despite himself, Ranma joins the melancholic old pervert on the roof, asking why he abandoned all the underwear he just stole, and to his utter surprise is told he can keep it. Happosai doesn't care about the underwear anymore.

Happosai Continues Acting Odd
Happosai then takes to his darkened room and bed, Soun and Genma politely offering him some of his favorite snacks, only to be politely rebuffed. The household gathers for an emergency meeting, at which the only ones not worried are Nabiki (who sarcastically comments on them calling Happosai "sick" when he actually seems to be acting human for once) and Ranma, who doesn't care what Happosai does so long as he's not bothering him. Genma then gets one of his "bright ideas"; dousing Ranma with cold water, brutally stripping her down to her underwear and then manhandling her into Happosai's room.

To everyone's astonishment, despite the fact that Ranma almost fell face-first onto the old pervert, he makes no attempt to grab her breasts - in fact, he calmly tells Ranma to cover up so that she doesn't catch cold. Pushing himself upright, Happosai says a cryptic poem, which brings Soun running and causes both men, recognizing it as a dying poem, to desperately try to reassure Happosai that he should be able to recover by his strong willpower. For yet more evil omen, they see snow starting to fall... in the middle of summer! And an unkindness of ravens settles menacingly on the Tendo Dojo's roof. Happosai merely insists that he is not long for this world, indicating a will he has drawn up.

That evening, Soun and Genma talk to themselves, deeply concerned, as all the omens are of impending disaster. Soun wonders if the school of Anything Goes Martial Arts can survive without the master who founded it, to which Genma furiously declares that it must survive; they have shed far too much sweat, blood and tears for it to disappear with Happosai's death. Stoked up, they vow that desperate times call for desperate measures; for the dojo, there can be no sacrifice too great.

At her home, Miyo has been going over all her fortune telling methods and each has had the same outcome; be with tarot cards, crystal ball, Ouija board or tea leaves, all signs indicates that Happosai is going to bring disaster to Akane and the others.

The Next Day
Ranma and Akane head home from school, discussing Happosai's illnesses. Akane is amazed that Soun and Genma have been caring for him so much, noting that he really is their master after all and so they must actually care for him despite themselves, while Ranma is confident that Happosai will soon return to his usual obnoxious self - he must just be a little under the weather. To their confusion, they see ornate decorations outside of the gates to the Tendo Dojo, with them continuing into the front garden and even into the house.

There, Nabiki greets them with a mocking party favor and tells them to head to the dojo, where their future is being decided. Solemnly, Soun and Genma explain how Happosai continues to grow weaker and seems to have lost the will to live. And he has one final wish. While he is still alive to see it, the two intend to have Ranma and Akane finally undergo the marriage ceremony - as Genma tells Ranma, it is his destiny to sire enough children on Akane to carry on the Anything Goes style for generations to come, while Akane is told by Soun that while this is sudden, she must accept her fate. The two men saya the arrangements are already made and that the wedding will be held five days from today, and bowing to them to please cooporate.

In the dining room, Kasumi asks that, emergency or not, isn't high school a bit too young to be married? Nabiki, tapping away with a calculator to try and figure out the costs, ignores her, asking how she would feel about them using cold cuts and a no-host bar, since it's not really a wedding proper.

At the same time, Ryoga makes his way into Nerima, carrying souvenirs for Akane. However, he can sense an unpleasant atmosphere, and is worried about what may have happened or be about to happen in the area. And then it starts to rain, thick and heavy. As is typical for Ryoga, it's late at night and still pouring rain by the time he finds the Tendo Dojo, where Akane is in her room, still struggling to grasp the idea that she and Ranma will officially stop being fiancees and start being husband and wife in five days.

She remembers Ranma's confidently telling her that he's certain Happosai will recover soon and when that happens Soun and Genma will forget all about this crazy scheme, but she herself is worried that this mightn't be the case. Somehow, Ryoga manages to make it to her window, and she is delighted to see "P-chan" scratching at the glass, bringing him inside and drying him off before taking him to her bed. That night, Ranma has a dream where Akane shows Ranma their child which looks exactly like him. But it looks like Happosai instead waking him up in fright. Around midnight, Ryoga wakes to see he is alone in the bed, and goes off looking for Akane.

Unable to sleep, Akane has slipped into the dojo, where she finds Ranma coming to join her, embarrassedly explaining that he just had a hideous nightmare. Both of them blushing, Ranma softly tells her that, though he's still getting used to the idea himself, he doesn't really mind what their fathers are asking and it mightn't be so bad to be married after all. Of course, with their typical luck, Ryoga-as-P-chan arrives in time to hear Ranma confessing this and savagely attacks Ranma, knocking him through the wall and into the pouring rain outside and chasing her off into the streets, even as Akane watches her "pet's" actions in bemusement, lifting not a finger to help.

Akane Gets an Explanation
The next morning, it's still raining, and Akane's initial panic over Nabiki and Kasumi letting her sleep in is alleviated when they reveal school has been cancelled due to flood threats. Kasumi also tells Akane that Soun and Genma have taken to their beds, with what she thinks is nervous exhaustion; when Akane looks in on them, Soun is moaning about Happosai, while Genma moans that the school must go on.

Dressing up against the rain, Akane heads over to Miyo; there is definately something to worry about here, and Miyo is the one person she knows who is both schooled in the supernatural and unquestionably friendly towards her. The fortuneteller claims she was expecting Akane, and explains to her that Happosai's lifeforce has become exhausted.

Compounding the effect, Happosai was born under a special arrangement of stars that, while normally bestowing unsually good luck, reverses its alignment and thusly its effect once a century. Furthermore, because Happosai's good luck is normally so extreme, when it changes into bad luck, there can be a terrible whiplash effect. In four days from today, the reversal of the stars will be at its pinnacle - bad luck will start affecting everyone close to him even after his death.

Luckily for Akane, Miyo has something more for her than dark words. She loans Akane an heirloom book containing folk remedies gathered from China to Europe, specifically marking a recipe that she can try. Giving to Akane the reagents she needs, she tells Akane that it will take three days of boiling to prepare the potion to bolster Happosai's life-force. She also warns Akane that this is very powerful magic; she must be very careful and precise about what she does, or else it could backfire.

Unfortunately, listening to advice when it comes to cooking is not and has never been Akane's strong point. Carrying the ingredients and the book home, rather than asking for Kasumi to help her (or even giving it to Kasumi and getting her to make it), Akane locks herself up in the kitchen and starts throwing ingredients together with her typical indifference to precision or patience. Kasumi and Nabiki wonder what she's doing, but see no reason to interfere.

Meanwhile, with Ranma
In the streets of Nerima, the bruised, battered, exhausted Ranma slowly limps home with the aid of a stick, moaning to herself about how Ryoga wasn't holding back at all. And she'll probably get life lasting scars. He chased her until something like near-dawn, until they ended up fighting next to a racing canal. While Ranma was using her rapid-fire punching technique, Ryoga managed to dodge the blows and then rebound into Ranma's waist, causing her to double up in pain... in the middle of a punch.

The air pressure from her uncontrolled blow caused the concrete they were standing on to shatter, a sizable boulder of artificial rock on which they were standing falling into the canal. Though Ranma managed to grab a sodden tree branch or root and pull herself to shore, the swiftly flowing waters carried the indignant pig far away. Ranma notes he's probably ended up out to sea by this point.

Back at the Tendo Dojo, Akane starts getting into more classical ingredients, like eyes of newt and toes of frog, forced to wear a mask due to the vilely odiferous fumes rising from her potion. Even in the dining room, Kasumi and Nabiki can detect the ghastly stench, green mist seeping into the household, prompting Nabiki to comment about the cure being worse than the disease.

Ranma finally limps in, and promptly faints after getting a whiff of the smell, Kasumi and Nabiki joining her in unconsciousness over the next two days. Akane drags them into the same bedroom as Soun and Genma, sets them up in futons alongside their fathers, and continues tending to her potion for the next three days.

The Final Day
Nabiki asks Kasumi if she's feelnig any better, to which Kasumi apologizes to being sick during this crisis. Nabiki says they can't do the wedding in this state and, holding her nose, wishes for the smell to go away. Akane then opens the door to give them some rice gruel, letting more of the smell in. Ranma hurriedly says that they'll eat it. So just leave it here and close the door. Kasumi says she'll take over from here.

Back in the kitchen, Akane declares that her family is depending on her to finish this medicine - after all, she reasons, if it'll cure Happosai, it'll cure them too. With only twenty five minutes left until midnight of the final day, she finally completes the boiling, hurriedly pouring a glass and racing to Happosai's room, where she forces it down his throat... only for Happosai to let out a horrific scream and then collapse bonelessly, eyes rolling back in his head. Akane screams in terror, begging him not to die and to wake up.

At Miyo's place, the fortuneteller watches in her crystal ball as a small red flame wavers, then shrinks and fades. This is the symbol of Happosai's life force, and she notes that he has left this life at last. Pragmatically, she declares this to be sad, but fated... which is when the crystal ball suddenly lights up from within with fierce red light, so intense that her scrying orb cracks, much to her disbelieving confusion.

Back at the Tendos, Akane breaks down weeping that she's killed Happosai... when Happosai suddenly springs back upright, battle aura flaring as his eyes open and revert to normal. He turns to Akane with his face alight with glee even as his aura fades, waving his eyes and jubilantly crying out that she's saved him. Akane is happy for this... right up until he tries to leap on and grope her, whereupon she pounds him into the floor for being a pervert. Dishing up five more big glasses of her homebrewed tonic, she heads to the sick room and forces them all to drink up, despite their terror and desperate protests.

The next morning, at school, Happosai is making even more of a nuisance of himself than normal, Miyo watching and blue with shock at what she's unleashed, however accidentally. Akane arrives and gratefully thanks Miyo for helping her cure Happosai. The students ask her where's Ranma. She says in an embarrassed tone that he's having stomache problems. When further asked about the marriage, she starts saying it was all due to Happosai's ilness, when Happosai shows up to try and harrass the fortune girl. Akane is the first to flatten him into the floor, irritably growling at him to die already.

Trivia

 * It's never made clear if the reason everyone takes to bed is Happosai's bad luck afflicting them... or the fumes from Akane's attempt at cooking up a potion.
 * The strange color of Miyo's eyes, being flat base color and devoid of pupils, is an animation trick commonly used to indicate a person who is mind controlled... or, more rarely, to indicate a supernatural nature. They are used for the former purpose, both times on Ranma, in The Witch Who Loved Me: A Japanese Ghost Story and Ranma and the Evil Within.
 * In the latter case, as well as on Miyo here, they are used to help illustrate the ghostly nature of Kogane, who appears in season six (A Teenage Ghost Story) and season seven (Gosunkugi's Summer Affair).
 * In the subtitle version, Happosai speaks a haiku signifying his impending death, and Soun and Genma directly ask if he's dying. The haiku's lines are "To be or not to be, we had seasons in the sun; all we are is dust in the wind!"
 * The subtitles also have Soun lie and claim that their plan to have Akane and Ranma wed right now is Happosai's dying wish.
 * This episode could be considered something of a shout-out to Ataru Moroboshi, from Rumiko Takahashi's previous creation, Urusei Yatsura. Both Ataru and Happosai are massively perverted, but whereas Ataru's luck is normally terrible, Happosai's luck is said to normally be unnaturally good - but when it turns bad, as it does here, it goes severely bad.
 * In the dub, Ranma declares he feels like a goose just stepped over his grave when he senses Akane coming to dose them all with her homemade tonic. This is a now-obscure English saying, meaning a sense of ill omen or foreboding.