Pelvic Fortune-Telling? Ranma is the No. One Bride in Japan

Kotsuban Uranai! Ranma wa Nippon-ichi no Oyomesan (骨盤占い! らんまは日本一のお嫁さん) is the 14th episode in the first season, Digital Dojo, of Ranma ½.

Things at the Tendo Dojo are thrown into an uproar when Dr Tofu's mother, Kin Ono, arrives, intent on wedding her son so that he can give her grandchildren. This is particularly upsetting to Akane, who wants to see Dr. Tofu marry her big sister, Kasumi. Making things even more complicated is that Kin Ono will only let her son marry a woman with suitably wide, strong hips...

Relation to the Previous Episode
This episode bears no continuity with the previous episode.

Plot Summary
Kasumi has made some Chinese Pork and Tofu for supper, and noting that she has made a little much, asks Ranma to take a bowl around to Dr. Tofu for his dinner. Akane tags along, responding to Ranma's curiosity that she wants to see Tofu's face when he gets it and teasing Ranma about possibly being jealous of her former crush on the good medic. As they turn off to the clinic, a taxi pulls up, the irritated driver asking his customer where the place she wants to go is, something that irritates the elderly woman.

At the clinic, Tofu is very happy to receive the dish, and while he maintains most of his composure, suggesting that they wait so he can give them back the dish, merely hearing that it was made for him by Kasumi makes him loopy enough that Ranma and Akane have to point out he's heading to the bathroom and out the window in the waiting room. This amuses the two teens, even as he finally finds his way into the kitchen to start eating. As they sit down and wait for him to finish, they are startled to see what looks like a fully sized, ambulatory family shrine smash through the doors and call out in an elderly, feminine voice. Tofu comes out of the kitchen and playfully says he already has a family shrine, only to be startled when it addresses him as son. Ranma and Akane slip around to get a better view, watching as the shrine is planted on the ground and springs open, whereupon a little old lady scrambles up on top of it.

This, they learn, is Dr. Tofu's mother. Though Tofu wonders why she couldn't have called first, she brushes it off as something she forgot and tells him to come and pay his respect to his father, whose portrait is the centerpiece of the shrine. Setting it up on a desk in his work room, the quartet all pay their respects, whereupon Tofu asks his mother to explain why she has come. At this, she hands over a folder of matchmaking photos, which Tofu realises in shock is for him. To the surprise and disgust of Tofu and the teens, the photo reveals an incredibly homely woman with the build of a professional wrestler and a massive set of hips. Tofu's mother, later revealed to be named "Kin", explains that the woman is the winner of the all-Japan Pelvic Contest, is a member of the Pelvic Pride society, and will soon launch a singing career with the Country Music hit "The Big Hips Blues". While Ranma cruelly jokes that the woman could give Akane a run for her money, to which she elbows him painfully for his thoughtless comment, Kin explains that big, strong hips on a woman create strong, healthy children and good bloodlines. Big hips are better than a rabbit's foot when it comes to luck in a marriage, and she scornfully declares that the face is the very last thing a man should look for.

Tofu, delicately, tries to explain to his mother that he has no intention of getting married so soon (or, the unspoken implication is, to a woman like that), which prompts his mother to start wailing in dismay to the shrine about her son being so cruel and where she went wrong, before skating over to the stand where Betty is hanging and going through the motions of getting ready to hang herself. Tofu frantically tries to stop her, and the scene of pandemonium prompts Akane to yell at last that Tofu already has a girl he's in love with, much to Tofu's shock, though she is too shy to reveal her identity.

At that moment, Kasumi arrives with a fresh dish, explaining that she accidentally added sugar to the previous batch instead of salt. Tofu immediately starts acting up, though the presence of his mother apparently adds enough of a stabilizing influence that he doesn't make too big a fool of himself as he takes the dish into the kitchen, though he does end up knocking things over and spilling it over himself by the time she has gone. Kin asks Kasumi what she is to Tofu, suggesting that the two may be "special friends", though Kasumi insists that it's not so.

After having come home, Akane complains to Nabiki in her room that it's wrong for Tofu's mother to try and keep him away from Kasumi. Nabiki idly comments that Tofu must have a nice little nest egg stored away by now, though Akane immediately catches the insinuation and warns Nabiki not to try it. While Nabiki faces innocence, Akane makes it clear she knows just what Nabiki is thinking of trying.

The next morning, Genma arrives for work at the clinic just as Tofu and his mother are having a conversation about the previous night's discussion. Tofu gently tells his mother that he's just not ready to get married, which prompts her to pray to her shrine about how selfish her son has turned out and light the fuse on what looks like a stick of dynamite, declaring her intention to join her husband. Tofu, in a panic, throws the glass of water he is carrying at her, just in time to splash Genma as he walks in. Sheepishly, he introduces Genma to Kin as his assistant, Mrs. Ono being so surprised at the sight of him that she unthinkingly reveals her "dynamite" was just a rolled up wall scroll bearing the kanji for "pelvic bone" with a fuse stuck in it.

Shortly afterwards, Nabiki arrives and calls Tofu out, telling him she has a deal to offer him. Kin is quite content to let him go, currently receiving a massage from Genma (still in panda form) and sympathizing with the fact he must be sweltering in this heat. At a trendy restaurant, Nabiki offers to pretend to be Tofu's girlfriend to let him quell his mother's desires and get her off his back. Tofu reluctantly agrees, but quickly realises that Nabiki's claims to only be intending to charge him 600 yen an hour is fradulent when she immediately orders, on his tab, a small banquet of sweets.

Walking down the streets elsewhere with Ranma, Akane is saddened that it looks like somebody might interfere with Tofu and Kasumi's relationship, and decides she must keep Kin from wedding Tofu to somebody else. Telling Ranma to go on ahead without her and not to follow her, she heads off towards the clinic, though she needs to stop for a moment to catch Ranma trying to sneak after her to make him agree to stay away like she asked. She arrives at the clinic, still only home to Genma and Kin Ono, and proclaims herself to be seeing Tofu and that she will be Tofu's wife someday. Though startled and freaked out when Kin promptly starts feeling up her rear and declares she might be bigger than the all-Japan winner, Kin declares Akane passes her test and can be bridal candidate number two, happily reporting this to her shrine.

Not too long after Akane leaves, Tofu and Nabiki show up for Nabiki to put her plan into action, having been suitably bribed with a sufficiently large array of presents. Much like Akane, Nabiki freaks when Kin grabs her hips to test them. While not impressed, Kin declares that she'll give Nabiki a chance and asks her shrine to help her choose the best bride.

That evening, after Genma gets home, he goes straight to the bathroom, where Ranma is currently relaxing. Though he must first contend with Ranma's irritation that Genma would jump straight into the tub and not think to change back to his smaller human form first, Genma tells Ranma what has transpired.

Ranma then goes to confront Akane in the dojo, where he thoughtlessly and mockingly "congratulates" her on her decision, pointing out her lack of feminine qualities doesn't matter when she's so brutishly strong and has such big hips. Needless to say, Akane promptly throws him across the dojo in anger at his cruel taunts.

The next morning, Akane receives a letter from Kin that explains there's a party being held at the Tofu clinic and inviting her to come. She naturally goes to check it out, Kasumi finding the letter left behind and figuring she must be invited as well, setting to preparing a fish dish for the party. When Akane reaches the clinic, she is startled to discover an equally startled Nabiki, whereupon Kin explains she's holding a kind of contest to determine which of the girls will be Tofu's wife. Akane, needless to say, is not happy to realise Nabiki ignored her disapprovement. As the girls (and an eavesdropping Ranma) watch in disbelief, Kin reveals the contest will be the titular "pelvic fortune telling"; the two girls will climb up on a podium and then bang butts together; the one with the "better" pelvis will knock the other off, as she proceeds to demonstrate with Genma.

Ranma worries that Akane is certain to win as she and Nabiki hesitantly climb onto the podium, which is when Ryoga suddenly appears, splashes Ranma, and declares he is going to compete instead. Giving Ranma a pink, poofy dress to further her disguise, Ranma promptly goes along with the plan; he blatantly doesn't want to see Akane wed to Tofu. Needless to say, his sudden bursting into the room and declaration of being Tofu's real girlfriend is not received very well by Akane -- Nabiki has to prevent her from breaking the podium over Ranma's head. Ranma is quite irked when Kin performs her usual hips check, and everyone is rather startled when Kin declares Ranma's hips to be "perfect" and that Ranma will be Tofu's bride.

It is at that moment that Kasumi arrives at last. Tofu fogs up, as usual, and tries to muster the will to finally confess his feelings... only to end up claiming that he is in love with Betty, much to everyone's chagrin (besides Kin and Kasumi). Kin watches Tofu dancing with his model skeleton and thinks back to her own husband and how he would start acting like a fool around her.

After everyone has gone home later that evening, she confesses to her shrine how she recognized Tofu's antics and that he is lucky to have such good friends. She is now able to return home at ease, as she's confident he will marry when the time is right, though she does wish he'd hurry up and get it over with, as she can't stand the waiting. She then asks Genma-panda to keep this a secret, before chastising herself for thinking a panda could talk.

Her departure the next day is an emotional one, as despite the confusion she caused the Tendo girls and the Saotomes have all come to like and respect her. While Ranma and Akane do end up in an argument after she is out of earshot when Ranma insists he tried to ensure Akane wasn't chosen as Tofu's bride because his girl form is better looking, Genma watches Kin Ono leave with tears in his eyes.

Trivia

 * When Ranma insults Akane in the dojo, he mentions her poor cooking. Yet, in both anime and manga canon, he doesn't learn about Akane's terrible cooking skills until during the Breaking Point arc, which doesn't occur until the second season.
 * Just before Akane goes to Dr. Tofu's and tells Ranma not to follow her, a truck passes with a look-a-like of P-chan painted on the side.
 * This is the first episode with the Equal Romance ending sequence.