Kodachi the Black Rose! The Beeline to True Love

Kurobara no Kodachi! Jun'ai Icchokusen (黒バラの小太刀! 純愛一直線) is the 38th episode of Ranma ½ Nettohen.

When finances run tight at the Tendo Dojo, Kodachi sees a golden opportunity to earn Ranma's favor.

Relation to the Previous Episode
None.

At the Tendo Dojo
Morning has come to the Tendo Dojo, and the residents flock to the dining room for breakfast. To their dismay, though, all there is waiting for them is a single plate of pickle radish and a bowl of rice each. Ranma complains that they don't even get the seaweed from yesterday, while Genma glumly notes that the day before they had rice, pickles, seaweed and fermented soybeans. Akane realises that if things continue like this, then tomorrow will see them with nothing but rice for breakfast, whereupon Kasumi reassures them that won't be the case.

This is the last of the rice, too. Once the last scraps are eaten, Ranma, Genma and Happosai fighting over the last piece of pickle, Akane and Kasumi alternately note that the Tendo Dojo does only have one bread winner, no regular source of income and they have three freeloading house guests. This statement makes the three guests in question laugh nervously, but her words do have truth to them. While this is going on, none of them are aware that Sasuke is spying on them from the bushes.

He immediately heads back to the Kuno Estate, where he reports this to Kodachi. She is aghast at what Ranma is having to undergo, proclaiming that even Sasuke gets more to eat than pickles and flamboyantly vowing to save Ranma, from himself if need be. As she runs off to put her plan into action, Sasuke finishes noting that he doesn't really eat that much better then Ranma currently is himself - he once had to make a single bowl of brine last ten days. In fact, he notes mournfully, it's been ages since he enjoyed a nice bowl of brine.

Back at the Tendo Dojo, Soun and Genma are playing shogi, noting it's a sad day when a "world class" dojo like theirs is reduced to nothing to eat but rice and pickles. Happosai approaches and tearfully places some of his stolen lingerie on their board, declaring that he is on the hook to Soun for room and board and exhorting them to take his collection and sell it for food money, a declaration that floors them both.

Tearfully, Soun declares that he cannot accept such a sacrifice and gives it back to the relieved Happosai, whereupon Genma weeps that he only wishes he could come up with a plan to help like Happosai just tried to do. Soun reassures Genma that he'll think of something; he always does.

Kodachi Arrives
The sound of traditional music catch their attention, and the three masters head to the front door to the bizarre sight of a black cow pulling a small one-person red-painted coach through the streets and into their front garden, accompanied by men and women in traditional regalia. Once they stop playing, the coach's doors open and out steps Kodachi in an ornate white kimono, introducing herself by kneeling on the ground and humbly declaring herself to be Ranma's bride.

Both fathers are startled by this, Soun asking Genma to explain, with Genma only able to weakly protest that Ranma hasn't said anything about this to him. Kodachi embraces him with a longing statement of "father", but Genma pushes her away, politely stating that they haven't been introduced. When she presents a bundle of yen notes to him, though, he is quick to embrace her and call her "daughter". Happosai promptly introduces himself by glomping onto Kodachi's breasts, for which she slams him into the concrete and disgustedly proclaims him an old goat. Mockingly, he warns her that he is Genma's master, and so he is practically Ranma's grandfather, which causes her to hastily pick him up and beg for his forgiveness.

Meanwhile...
At Furinkan High School, when the students are let out for the day, Ranma tells Akane to go on home without him; he has some things he needs to take care of. Suspicious, Akane follows him when he leaves, and discovers he's trying to drum up some business by passing out fliers advertising the Tendo Dojo and its course in Anything Goes Martial Arts. Her comments at breakfast have really struck a nerve with him, and, impressed, she makes her presence known and joins him in trying to get some people interested.

Alas, it doesn't work; nobody really cares about martial arts, it seems. Only when Akane forces Ranma to turn into a girl and dress up in a red bunny girl outfit to start flirting with men passing by, something that Ranma vigorously protests and which Akane drives her on by grinding Ranma's toes with her heel and pointing out they'll be eating toothpaste for breakfast tomorrow if she doesn't. As much as it sickens Ranma, and Akane looks disgusted when Ranma steps it up in response to the "toothpaste for breakfast" comment, Ranma does manage to get a bunch of people interested in showing up for a free trial lesson.

Later On
When they arrive home that evening, they are horrified to find Kodachi waiting for Ranma in a humble kneeling position on the front step, asking them to call her "Kodachi Saotome". As they watch, she bustles off into the kitchen as if she has every right to be there, Kasumi proclaiming she has "some strange hold" over Genma. When she finishes in the kitchen, Kodachi emerges and embraces Ranma, telling him that she hopes he's built up a big appetite, to which Ranma squirms from her grip and fiercely demands to know what the deal is with the dutiful wife act.

Blushing, Kodachi declares it's only natural that lovers be wed, then asks if he seriously expects such words from a maiden's mouth when he gags in disgust and asks what lovers she's talking about. After that, she literally twists his arm to lead him, Akane and Kasumi to the dining room, where she has laid out an extravagant feast that everyone starts salivating over and rapaciously digs in once Kodachi tells them to help themselves.

Ranma, Kasumi and Kodachi are the neatest eaters - Nabiki, Soun, Genma and Happosai all start wolfing down the fancy food, tearing meat from the bone with their bare hands and teeth and otherwise indulging themselves. The only one who won't touch them is Akane, who proclaims she'd rather starve to death than eat anything Kodachi has cooked, leaving the room and heading to her bedchambers while mentally cursing Ranma for being such an idiot.

The Next Day
Things just go from bad to worse for Ranma the next morning; not only does Kodachi awaken him, proclaiming it her duty to do so, Akane then walks past while she's struggling to claim Ranma's bedding from him, leaving the two in a very compromising position. When Ranma tries to help Akane get the table ready for the students, she rebuffs him, taunting him that he and his new "bride" won't be staying at this broken down dojo much longer. When Kodachi drifts past with the washing, dropping some of Ranma's boxer shorts, Akane gets all the madder, and Ranma promptly decides to stay out of her way until she calms down.

He heads inside to explain to Soun and Genma what he and Akane have done to bolster the dojo's finances. As Kodachi cleans around them, they congratulate Ranma on his efforts to help the monetary problem, whereupon Kodachi suddenly takes the flyer from Soun and, giggling, tells Ranma that he doesn't need to worry about money any more. All of her worldly possessions, she insists, are now Ranma's; she'll sell the Kuno Estate to raise extra money if she must, and she will help him enhance this dojo in any way she can.

Outraged, Soun demands Genma explain who this dojo belongs to; when Kodachi declares she knows that it is Soun's property, but will someday become Ranma's, Soun finally clarifies that such a thing will only happen when Ranma has married Akane. Kodachi squeals in dismay upon hearing that, then falls to the floor, sobbing out a query about why they didn't tell her this before - Genma laughing that she never asked is the last straw, and she goes running tearfully to the wall, leaping over it and disappearing.

Shortly afterwards, Ranma, in female form, joins Akane, Soun and Genma at the front gate, awaiting the arrival of their prospective new students. At first, it all seems like things are going to work out, when a huge flatbed truck arrives, on the back of which stand many beautiful, scantily clad girls who advertise their own "Martial Arts Health & Beauty Institute", declaring there's a free all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ being thrown today to celebrate its opening.

To the horror of the Tendo Dojo's residents, their prospective students immediately cancel their subscriptions and chase after the truck as it drives off. They're not the only ones, though; as one might expect, Happosai sets off in hot pursuit, and while Genma acts as though he is trying to stop him, it is obvious to everyone that he just wants that Korean BBQ. Even being turned into a panda doesn't stop him jogging off. Ranma and Akane promptly set off to see just what is going on, though Ranma needs to change into his true form on the way there and Akane has to go back and grab her father, scolding him that he picks the worst moment to play "deer caught in the headlights".

The "rival dojo" turns out to be a sizable building, into which they stride confidently, but to Ranma's shocked disbelief, all of the stolen students are engaged in synchronized aerobics routines. Akane wonders if Ranma was expecting to challenge them to a fight, to which Ranma can only nod blankly. They spot Happosai and Genma both availing themselves of the pretty lady instructors, a sight that makes Ranma fume with rage, when Kodachi arrives.

Proudly, Kodachi tells Ranma that this dojo was built by her for him, and it's his if he wants it. Genma immediately pops up with a sign declaring Ranma wants it, which prompts Soun to angrily roar that this farce has gone on long enough: Ranma is going to marry Akane and take over the Tendo Dojo. Happosai promptly declares in Ranma's place he would choose Kodachi's dojo. The four begin pestering Ranma to choose which dojo he wants, until Ranma finally bellows at them all to shut up, the force of his statement knocking them flat onto their rears in shock.

Recovering, Ranma tells Kodachi that he appreciates the gesture, before asking who said he wants a dojo in the first place. Kodachi asks if he's telling her that he hates dojos, whereupon he calmly tells her that she's not listening, explaining that the Saotome School is Anything-Goes Martial Arts. It doesn't need a dojo, and so he has no need of her. Wounded and crying, Kodachi runs off.

Things Return to How They Were
The next morning, Kasumi serves up tea, then tells them that's the last of their stock of tea, too, when Soun pragmatically asks if tea is all they're going to be having for breakfast from now on. Happosai starts crying that they could be eating their fill of gourmet cuisine if Ranma hadn't been so stupid as to turn down Kodachi, something that outrages Ranma.

A black rose with a folded piece of paper tied around it comes whistling from the sky to stick into the table; the paper is a message from Kodachi, which Ranma reads aloud to the other residents of the Tendo household. She vows that if Ranma wants anything, absolutely anything, all he need to do is ask her and he shall receive it. To Ranma's surprised dismay, everyone except Akane immediately starts trying to take advantage of it - Kasumi suggesting he asks her to pay the electricity bill, Soun asking for white rice, Nabiki begging Ranma to get her a CD Player and Happosai asking for bras and panties. Disgusted, Ranma ends up shouting at them all to shut up.

Trivia

 * This story makes it canonical that, in the anime, Soun Tendo has no students for his branch of Anything Goes Martial Arts and this can sometimes make funds a little tight.
 * The manner in which Kodachi arrives at the Tendo Dojo may be a reference to the first animated debute of Ryoko Mendo from the Urusei Yatsura anime series. Kodachi Kuno does have a strong physical resemblence to her.
 * The method by which Kodachi arrives at the Tendo Dojo is the traditional procession through which a bride arrives at a Shinto wedding. This not only shows off Kodachi's traditional side, but is a way of displaying her wealth; Shinto marriage ceremonies are notoriously expensive, which is one of the reasons why Christianity-inspired Western style weddings have become so popular in Japan despite the fact the average Japanese person is either a Shintoist, Buddhist or a blend of the two religions. Western weddings are cheap, and are also seen as both more comfortable and more romantic.
 * This is another episode that showcases how hypocritical Akane can be about taking advantage of another girl in ways that she herself would object quite heatedly to if it was tried on her.
 * In the dubbed, Ranma celebrates Kodachi having left with "Ding-dong, the witch is finally dead", a somewhat modified line from the famous movie version of "The Wizard of Oz".
 * The dub includes the famous quote "With God as our witness, we'll never go hungry again!" when the students start arriving at the Tendo Dojo.
 * The art takes a noticably dip in the second half of this episode; Soun and Genma look particularly ugly.
 * The subtitled version has Ranma explicitly note that an Anything-Goes martial artist should be able to train and fight anywhere at any time with anything to hand. In the dubbed version, this is more implied than anything.